Saturday, October 29, 2011

How Can I

change my attitude? Face being alone with Ryan the rest of my life? Accept that I will never have a social life again.

When Stefan and his girlfriend move out it will be just Ryan and I. Stefan rarely talks to me anyway and when he does it is usually to cut me down or swear at me. So it might be better. How I wish Ryan could talk to me. Days and days go by when the only person I talk to is the clerk at the store or a receptionist to make a doctor's appointment. I spend hours each day in tears of loneliness. I am not a loner. Yes, I know I have Heavenly Father, and believe me I pray. There is never anything to look forward to at the end of the week. Rarely does anyone visit. It seems like life is over for me. I will never find anyone to watch Ryan so I can have a break. I grow more depressed by the can I stop this? I hate being like this. I want to be brave, accepting of my life and try to make the best of it. I just cannot find anything to smile about any more. The way I am now, I can see why no one wants to be my friend. Lord please help me change.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Ryan Turns 21 Today

Though we had his party on Saturday today is his real birthday. I am so thankful that God gave me this wonderful son of mine. We have been through many challenges together and continue to now but we always come through them. It is sometimes lonely because people are uncomfortable with him and because of his inability to communicate he can be very hard to get along with if he is hurting and cannot tell you. We lost his caregiver because of this and it is understandable. I know Heavenly Father will provide someone to help with him when we really need it. Until then we make do and I am happy for his company.
We are now involved with the CP center in Green Bay and they are working on some communication devices with him. I am praying this is our answer. I also pray that other people will try to understand him and befriend him. So many people act like he is not even there...........not even saying hi to him. Heavenly Father values him and others with disabilities as much as He does all of us. I am grateful for the teachers and friends who do care for him.