Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Good News at Last!

The surgery is set for April 14th! The left lung nodules are not cancer. So It is not stage 4! I am still working out details to care for Ryan, and numerous other things but I think it will all work out some how. If only I had medical insurance it would be much easier. I will figure it out though. I am so thankful that is not stage four that I feel like I can handle anything.

Monday, March 28, 2011

More Blessings

I found out that the ward is fasting and praying for me today. I am in awe of how kind and willing to sacrifice of themselves people can be. I am so grateful.

I ate a great stir fry meal tonight. Part of it was leftover chicken my friend Pat sent me a few days ago. Soooooooo yummy.

I am antsy tonight about the test tomorrow and tomorrow night I will be antsy waiting for the results on Wednesday. Both answers possible will mean big changes for me. I believe Heavenly Father will help me through either way. I am still afraid, but not nearly as much as someone who did not know that our Heavenly Father never lets us down would be.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

I Realize

How many thoughtful friends I have. I have had offers to watch Ryan and to provide rides to the doctor. Besides the many prayers offered in my behalf my name has also been put in the temple by several people. I am blessed in so many ways. Another day of sunshine is lifting my spirits even more.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

There is Sunshine

and it cheers me! I feel pretty good today so I am tackling some chores I have avoided while not feeling so well. I think I will make a pot of chili for supper and some fresh rolls too. They say you have to make hay while the sun shines so...........................

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

More Waiting

I could not go for my tests today because of the snow. It is rescheduled for Tuesday. Another week of wondering and waiting. I cannot catch a break.  The surgeon has a family emergency so he is out of town next week so no surgery if the biopsy results are good. They may do it the week of the 4th. So this is about 6 weeks or more since I found out it was growing and still another two weeks until surgery and that only if the left lung is okay. I have prayed, my friends and family are praying; yet it all keeps going terribly wrong. I wonder if I am being punished for something? I  am trying to keep my attitude up but it is so hard.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Is Beginning to Wonder

If I will get there for the biopsy tomorrow or not. The snow keeps falling and I hear tales of it taking people double the amount of time to get places tonight. It was hard to get an appointment already this week. It will really be hard on me if this is postponed another week or two. I am leaving it in God's hands.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Snow Snow Go Away Come Along Some Other Day!

I am not too happy about the snow that is predicted as it is likely I will have to go to Appleton for the procedure during it and I really cannot put it off. We usually do get some nice weather and then one last blast from winter before Spring comes to us.

I was looking at my yard and thinking about planting petunias in baskets. Petunias are one of my favorite flowers. Bright, cheerful and not very expensive. So while it snows and blows the next two days; I will be dreaming of a yard filled with baskets of petunias.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Sunday Morning

Since I am avoiding crowds in fear of catching something that will delay surgery if I get to have it I have been missing church. So I watched some BYU  TV this morning. A wonderful talk was given about What if all we did was motivated by love. Not by revenge or greed or for recognition but only by love. I think I need a sign to remind me of this.


That is all I have today. 

Saturday, March 19, 2011

I Feel Better Today

I have peace today. Prayer and then a good night's sleep seems to have washed away most of the anger. They will biopsy the new spots in my left lung this coming week. If they are malignant I will be stage four lung cancer and surgery will not be done. They may do chemotherapy and radiation. If they are benign, they will remove two thirds of my lung on the 31st. That would be stage one and I would have a better chance of living longer.

I hope I have a long time left here but am prepared to accept what comes. I know how I want to spend my time and with who. I am going to try not to waste anymore time in anger and bitterness. 

Friday, March 18, 2011

I Am Not Much of a Blogger

I have not felt much like writing. I am ill again or I guess it is still. I am afraid for my son Ryan if I am not here. I hope I have time to arrange things so that he is happy and well cared for. Today I see the surgeon............I pray he can still fix things. I wish I could feel closer to God right now. I am kind of angry and trying hard not to be. Some people are so brave through things like this. I am trying to be but today is scary and I don't feel brave at all.