Thursday, December 31, 2009



Okay I have a long list again this year. I always do. My way of thinking it that if I make lots of promises to myself I will at least achieve some of them. Last year I only made a few. The big one was to quit smoking for good and I truly have done that. I quit before the lung mass was found and when that happened I lost all desire to return to smoking. Every time I go to the store and see people paying so much for cigarettes I am even happier I made that change! Now what is it going to take to get me to lose all these extra pounds and become more active? Well I have a different approach this time around so I think I will be successful in that. I will write a bit about that here.

Two other resolutions that are very important to me are to really finish the Book of Mormon study I started and to really be aware of opportunities to serve. I think I have missed a lot of chances to make a difference in other people’s lives because I have been too wrapped up in me and my problems to notice what is happening in other people‘s lives. . I really hope I can change that this year more than anything else.

One more resolution that will be a fun one I think, is to use my creativity more. I think about doing all sorts of things but it rarely gets further than thinking, I will write about that here too. It may be cooking, crochet, sewing or crafts. I guess I will just see where it takes me.

So here is to a great 2010, making the right changes and sticking with them!

Happy New Year!!!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

I Know

there are just a very few friends that read this but you are all people who have stood by me during the challenges I have faced this fall. Thank God for you all. You have made my life so much easier, my faith so much stronger and really have been my strength here on earth. Thank you and Merry Christmas!

Monday, December 21, 2009

In God's Time

 A lesson well learned for me is that God will do things when it is the right time. I am not always as patient as I should be. I often think why is this taking so long, or why now? But Heavenly Father knows better than I. His blessing always come at the right time. When I pray and believe that God will take care of it He does. Not always that minute or even that year. Trusting that He knows whats best and when is best is the key.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Let it Snow....

I have the Christmas spirit today. I have lots of Christmas projects to do while listening to Christmas music while I watch the snow fall...........? Please?

Monday, November 30, 2009

Who Is Ryan?

Ryan is my youngest child. He is a joy most of the time, a challenge some of time and a blessing to have in my life all of the time. Ryan or Bug as we affectionately call him has severe mental retardation and severe Autism. This has left him unable to speak more than a few words and with a mental age of about 2? This has not stopped him from teaching me a lot of things. Patience and appreciating the small things in life most of all. He is satisfied with so much less than the rest of us. He expresses his joy without worrying about what anyone thinks of his skipping and laughing. He likes being with his family but is not always comfortable around people he does not know well. This  does make it hard socially. People don't really know how to interact with him and rarely visit or invite us to visit them. This is understandable because Ryan does a lot of unusual things like flapping his hands or making sounds. These are actions that help him deal with his world. It does make life a bit lonely at times but we do all right with it. Ryan also likes to stay up all night at times. This just comes out of the blue. We have tried medication and it seems to help some but every once in awhile he just does the night owl thing. So our life is not normal to the rest of the planet but is still a good life .  Ryan loves art and music. He is often with me in my craft room, stamping or painting or cutting. He is a great companion and I am lucky to have him!

Friday, November 27, 2009

The Day After

Uh Huh, still full. How about you?  We had a good day. Grandma and the kids all here and no one went hungry thats for sure. I love having my family all here.

I have had much leaner Thanksgiving days. I had a few in my late teens that I spent alone. I had many that I neglected to even think about being thankful. Those years when the kids were little, everyone worked and I had no idea that the years to come might bring some challenges I had a hard time meeting.

Life has more challenges now but somehow I find it easier to deal with them than I once did. I can only say that having the Gospel and the guidance of the Holy Spirit are the difference. When I chose the right, when I chose to listen to the promptings of the Spirit I do allright. Now......................If I can just make those right choices more often.

Friday, November 6, 2009

An Inspiring Woman

This is a post from Nie Nie's blog. Do You See Me? She is a beautiful Mom and wife from Utah who is recovering after a horrible plane crash. She is brave, honest and the kind of person I think we would all like to be more like. I first saw her on Oprah a few weeks ago and then read her story over the next few weeks from her blog. If you are feeling down or discouraged I promise you it would be worth going back into her blog and reading forward.

Monday, November 2, 2009

The Results Are In!

NO Lung Cancer!!!!!!!!!! The pep scan showed some weird thing in my neck that the  Doctor advised I check out eventually. It is probably arthritis as I do have trouble with my neck quite a bit. I can deal with that! For now he advises we just watch the mass to make sure it does not grow. That means another cat scan in a couple of months. I still have a lot of other health problems but nothing I cannot handle. I feel so blessed! It has been an emotional rollercoaster the last few weeks, but I learned a few things. Most important of all is to trust my Heavenly Father with all things. I have also learned to take less for granted the people in my life and to be content with what I have.

Thank you to all of you that have been there for me through this!

What a Mess

My birth Mom always uses an expression that is common in Indiana, I think.  She says " This house could walk"  of course meaning it was a mess. I think mine could run the Boston Marathon today. One and half weeks of being pretty much ignored has taken it toll. My son is a great cook but housekeeping is not his bag. He did do a load of dishes or two and was proud of that but the rest of the house ...............well like I said it has it's running shoes on. So I supose instead of being on the computer I better get busy. At least I feel needed. Very needed............

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween
from Chewbacca
aka Sovin

Time to Play

My grandson Sovin thinks 5 am is great time to play! He may be right. Being silly, singing songs, playing horsey and peek a boo are great stress relievers! I like waking up and smiling right away. I hope the rest of the day is this good!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Another Test Today

Today I had a PEP Scan. This is another test recommended to look for cancer. I won't have results until next week. A chest xray showed I still have a small pneumo thorax (small part of my lung collasped) so I cannot do any lifting or anything strenuous but I have plenty of other things I can do. I am grateful for the weekend and being able to just stay home and enjoy my family. My sweet grandson is here for the night and he keeps me smiling!

Thursday, October 29, 2009


The Biopsy found no cancer!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now tell me that prayers and blessing from a Priesthood holder don't work. I am a living testimony of the power of the Priesthood and prayer. Thank you to all of you that prayed for me! I feel like I am starting life all over today!

I still have more tests and some serious health problems to deal with but I have faith that I will do fine with that too.

Thank Heavenly Father for the many blessing you have today. We take too much for granted.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Gift of a True Friend

My dear friend Heidi drove me to Green Bay to have the procedure I have talked about so much here. She went over and above as there were a few complications and it took from 9 Am until about 6 PM. Now Heidi and I being the people we are came prepared to chat a bit. Well maybe more than a bit, try about 8 hours of time! Did we have any dull spots we stretched for a subject? Nooooooooooope. My chats with Heidi are always uplifting, interesting, amusing and current. I can talk to her about anything and be comfortable.  What a wonderful gift that is. I know that she would run to my side eager to help in any way. As she already has many times. It seems like all of you sisters are built like that. Cheerfully doing service, genuinly concerned about your sisters. I am so blessed by each of you. Thank you!

One thoughtful friend left a plate of wonderful cookies and ran off before they could be thanked. (thank you, they are yummy!) A bag of Jeannet Rekows yummy potoato buns was delivered by the Missionaries the other day. Big hugs to you Sister Rekow!

All of the  thoughfulness, prayers and kind deeds are making things so much easier for me. Thank you everyone!

I should have news by Friday!

Not Convinced It Is Cancer!

The Pulmonary Specialist says he is not completely convinced it is cancer. So today he will do the biopsy and I should know something by Friday at the latest. His last words to me today were
I hope I can give you some good news , well at least better news than you were expecting.
There would still be the mass to deal with but to know it is not spreading to the rest of my body and killing would be a great thing.
Me thinks that all those prayers are working!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Morning of

It s a big day for me. I will have at least a few anwers today. Good or bad  (and to be honest I have been prepared not to have a lot of good news) I am anxious to hear. I will at least feel as I have some direction...........some idea of what I need to be doing. I know I have lots of prayers being said for me and Heavenly Father will hear them and what is right for me will happen. I trust my God.

Monday, October 26, 2009


Things came together today thanks to a Doctor who realized how urgent this is and is willing to cut red tape and get things done! I have someone working on insurance and an appointment tomorrow with a Pulmonary Specialist who also does chest surgery. He will consult tomorrow, do a bronchoscopy/biopsy another day and hopefully remove the mass or a good part of it all this week.

I needed my little grandson here to cheer me up tonight. He is staying the night with us and I am just pleased as can be about that! Here is my little guy, though he is a lot bigger now!

2 AM

Yep 2 AM! I so want to go to sleep but my mind is racing. Wondering...... what the week will bring. Why a cat scan taken in 2007 showed a very small mass but somehow it was missed and I was never told about it and it was never investigated. Why my medical coverage is ending just when I need it most. (Oct 31) Why the clinic, the doctors and receptionists I speak to don't feel the urgency of this. I know I can handle this if I can just keep my mind from focusing on these things that I cannot change. I wish I had an off switch!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

More Blessings

I feel so loved today.

My birth mother in Indianappolis called to tell me her church and the church of her friend were praying for me today.

A good friend of mine offered to take me to the appointment for my biopsy. I will probably take her up on the offer because she is such a positive person. She and her whole family for that matter are always doing service for someone. I have never heard her be anything but cheerful and happy to do so. They are great examples of what Heavenly Father wants us to do.

The missionaries from our church stopped to see how I was today. I was so happy to have the company. These boys who unselfishly dedicate two years of their lives to sharing the Gospel are so inspiring.

My good friend who I don't spend a lot of time with but share so much with in email is so encouraging. Her letters always leave me feeling better. Her courage in enduring her own illness is a great example to me.

Two Bishops from my church gave me a beautiful blessing tonight. I feel like I can handle whatever comes my way now.

To all of you who so kindly support and comfort me, Thank you.

Sunday Morning

So much comes to mind when you face something like this. You have an immediate rush of love for your family and friends. You don't see their faults. You see only how very much you love them and want to be with them. Your differences are put aside and you see how truly wonderful they are. I am thankful for this opening of eyes regardless of what happens in the next few weeks. I needed this. I promise to myself this day to always look towards my loved ones with a less critical view.

Yesterday's problems are still there but they don't seem like mountains I can not climb anymore. Some people may feel I have really poor luck. However, I have had some incredibly good luck in my life. I have never faced the huge problems that some people in this world face on a daily basis. I have never watched my children go hungry or been homeless. I cannot possibly count all my blessings.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Lifting Burdens


Waiting is the worst. I am trying to keep busy but my mind keeps drifting back to what is going to happen to me this next week. If it is lung cancer I know it's usually surgery if possible, chemotherapy then radiation. If not? ....... I worry most about my youngest son Ryan. I need to be here to take care of him. There is no one else that can do it at this point.

I am using housework, tv, and typing ( my temporary part time job) to avoid thinking about it. I am afraid but since I believe Heavenly Father has a plan for me both in this life and in the next I am pretty calm. He knows what he is doing. He has helped me through many storms and I know he will not abandon me now. I am lucky to have supportive family and friends too. Here is a video I watched today that inspired me. I hope you take the time to watch it too.

Staying Alive

I had hoped to use this space to blog about my family, interests and day to day life. Well day to day life has suddenly changed for me. I had a cat scan for kidney stones a few days ago and a lung mass was found. Another cat scan focusing on my chest only found a very large mass in one lung and small infiltrates in both lungs. While it does not look real good so far, I have not had the biopsy yet. That will be happening sometime this following week. I am anxious to get that done and find out exactly what I am facing. I am prepared to fight for my life as I have way too many responsibilites and too many things I want to do yet. This blog will still follow my life but there will be a lot of talk about my health and how I am going to try to fix it.