Remembering What I Wanted

I had a dream last night about when I was about 17 or 18. At that time in life I was on my own. I had left high school and home because I surely knew better than my parents about how to live life. Life had not always been the happiest there due to alcohol use in the home and that was something I really wanted a way from too.
In this dream I remember a letter I wrote to myself about all that I wanted and wanted to be. I last night realized that I had accomplished much of what was in that letter. NO, not everything but much of it. I realized that wanting a close family, children and nice home and meaningful work what is what I wished for.I wanted to be fulfilled spiritually, though I did not mention how. All those years ago.............I really did know what I wanted. I did not know how I was going to get there. I swayed off the path so many times. Well Heavenly Father led me here, often through the examples and kindness of his other children. I am still following, not all the way there yet, but I see the path and believe it is the right one. Isn't it is nice to know that even when we don't see the path, that our Father in Heaven does and sends guidance to us? I am so grateful.

Bringing Happiness

We were out of hole punchers at our house. That is not a huge thing in most families, but it is in ours. Ryan loves to punch holes in paper and often wears out the springs. This calms him and just makes him plain happy. Every little thing we purchase right now matters so even hole punchers were on hold til next week. Through the kindness of my good friend Rex, Ryan now has new hole punchers! Ryan can't say thanks, and because he is shy around those he does not know, Rex barely was acknowledged when he gave him the gift. But let me tell you the joy he's  having this evening punching away may be a very simple thing but the most awesome gift you could give him. Thank you for all that you do Rex.............you  never look for acknowledgment or anything in return, you are just truly glad to help, just like your wife! I, my family, our ward and our community are really blessed to have people like you in it! Thank you!

Watermelon and Talk

My good friend Lanell just stopped over to share a half of a watermelon. ( yum) We also shared a short conversation that was just a nice break in my kind of blah day. How much just a few minutes time spent with a friend can do for the spirits! It makes me think I should more often reach out to call or visit my friends, if even just for a minute. We are meant to connect, learn and care for each other. What a treasure a good friend is!

Humidity

Is not my friend so I came home after sacrament meeting to get in the A/C before it causes problems. Christian our youth speaker for today  gave a great talk on heroes and the importance of picking the right one. I am amazed at how well the youth speak at our church. I always feel more able to face the week ahead after church. I am so blessed to be able to go there each week, to have my Heavenly Father and Brother's love and a testimony that this church is true. It is my everything.

What A Nice Way to Begin the Day

Our Church Ward breakfast was really nice this morning. My social life has really been lacking so being able to visit with so many good friends over a delicious breakfast was great! I left feeling so good! I then took a little nap and am ready to do a few things around here.

Just as I was writing this I received a call from my birth mother in Indiana. She is coming to visit me in July! I have not seen her in many years so I am beyond excited. It really is a good day for me!

Impatient

Yep, that is me! I was so concerned about the problem of getting care for Ryan so I could go to chemo that I did not even give God time to take care of things. My appointment was moved to later, which allows Stefan to be home from work in time to care for Ryan that day. If anyone sees me getting too impatient again please give me a swift kick you know where. I guess I need those reminders when my attitude is not what it should be. Thanks!

I Hope Everyone Missed My Last ( and deleted) Post

It came after a very long day, pain, frustration and really feeling terrible about having to ask everyone for help so often. Asking for help is about as humbling as you can get. Especially when you are not in a position to do much in return. All of you that help my family and I are wonderful. Please know how much I love and appreciate you! I am truly sorry I ask for so much from you all.

I am also frustrated about not finding anyone to care for Ryan. Respite care funds will pay $8.00 and hour for caring for him. It seems even in these hard economic times people are too afraid/ annoyed? to want to get to know Ryan, let alone care for him. Stefan helps a lot, but I can't expect him to miss work and risk his job to care for him. I am not sure if I will be able to start chemo as planned this week because I need someone for Ryan for a few hours until Stefan gets home. The Doctor is very anxious to start this week.

The news from the Doctor's visits was mixed yesterday. With out going into a  long boring explanation. I don't know what is going to happen. The cancer may stay away, it may grow in my left lung with a vengeance. It is basically , lets wait and see. My lung function as far as being able to breath well is finished. It is unlikely they will get better. I can handle that. I am feeling okay for now. If I am able to get to chemo next week I may feel pretty bad for awhile but it will pass. Because I still do not have insurance I cannot have the chemo in Shawano, I must go to AMC.  It is only 4 times I will go, three weeks apart.

Other than that.............The SUN IS OUT and I am going to make the best of this beautiful day!