It came after a very long day, pain, frustration and really feeling terrible about having to ask everyone for help so often. Asking for help is about as humbling as you can get. Especially when you are not in a position to do much in return. All of you that help my family and I are wonderful. Please know how much I love and appreciate you! I am truly sorry I ask for so much from you all.
I am also frustrated about not finding anyone to care for Ryan. Respite care funds will pay $8.00 and hour for caring for him. It seems even in these hard economic times people are too afraid/ annoyed? to want to get to know Ryan, let alone care for him. Stefan helps a lot, but I can't expect him to miss work and risk his job to care for him. I am not sure if I will be able to start chemo as planned this week because I need someone for Ryan for a few hours until Stefan gets home. The Doctor is very anxious to start this week.
The news from the Doctor's visits was mixed yesterday. With out going into a long boring explanation. I don't know what is going to happen. The cancer may stay away, it may grow in my left lung with a vengeance. It is basically , lets wait and see. My lung function as far as being able to breath well is finished. It is unlikely they will get better. I can handle that. I am feeling okay for now. If I am able to get to chemo next week I may feel pretty bad for awhile but it will pass. Because I still do not have insurance I cannot have the chemo in Shawano, I must go to AMC. It is only 4 times I will go, three weeks apart.
Other than that.............The SUN IS OUT and I am going to make the best of this beautiful day!
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