Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Caregiver for Ryan

Hooray! My friend Michele got the job to be Ryan's caregiver up to 20 hours a week for respite care. It is such a relief to have someone. I will be able to rest or do things around the house or  even go to town alone!!!!!!! Most of the time I love having Ryan around, but for doctor appointments, chemo and Wal mart it is better to be alone. Ryan seems to like Michele already so I think they will get used to each other fairly quickly.

I felt like crap this morning but am finally feeling a bit better this afternoon. I have a lot of things I want to get done over the next few days so they are done if the chemo hits me hard this time. I guess about only half the days since my treatment were rough ones. I had many days I felt just fine and that is better than I expected.

Still missing Katie and the kids.............but there is nothing I can do about it. So I will try not to think about it so much. I don't feel as depressed as yesterday. I don't want to go on meds for depression because they are so expensive and I am hoping I can just get past this bad spot myself. I take enough meds already and suspect they contribute to me feeling so down. I try to be cheerful even when I am not and sometimes that helps. I have so much to be grateful for that I really should not be depressed. Being lonely is something that never bothered me before. Now it does. I am such a big baby about some things. Nobody has a perfect life and I just need to focus on what is right with my life instead of what is wrong.

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