Was really uplifting Sunday. Listening to the talk by Sammi and her return from her mission was especially great. You could tell how sincerely happy she was to have served. I am surprised she did not convert the whole state! She has that kind of personality that is hard to resist.
It made me think about the opportunity s I have to share my own testimony. They seem so few..............but then maybe I am just not looking for them. If I found a great new place to shop really cheap I would share it all the time. But here I know of a great way to live and I rarely talk about it. I am going to make a effort to do more of that.
Though I think I am struggling with depression or maybe just the side effects of the drugs I am still encouraged about my health. Round 2 of chemotherapy is Thursday and I am anxious to get it over with! That will mean only 6 more weeks until my last treatment. Having my energy back will be the best part. Now I do about half and hour and even less on bad days before I have to sit. I feel like I am 98 instead of 53!
I really miss my daughter and grandchildren. They seem to have pulled away from me. I have not seen them since before my surgery in April. I think the cancer scares my daughter and that is maybe why. It hurts a lot though. I see the happy families in church and I am jealous. I hate that about me. I want so much for my family to be like that. But it is my own fault. I should have raised them in the church and so now we all pay the price. It is my biggest regret. I could have been a much better mother. My children would have much better lives now if I had.
I don't want to spend the rest my life wallowing in regrets. I really don't. I want to somehow make up for some of my mistakes. I am trying to do that and I hope Heavenly Father is merciful and helps me to do just
that. If I can only keep my attitude up I hope I can make a change.