Monday, June 13, 2011


Was really uplifting Sunday. Listening to the talk by Sammi and her return from her mission was especially great. You could tell how sincerely happy she was to have served. I am surprised she did not convert the whole state! She has that kind of personality that is hard to resist.
It made me think about the opportunity s I have to share my own testimony. They seem so few..............but then maybe I am just not looking for them. If I found a great new place to shop really cheap I would share it all the time. But here I know of a great way to live and I rarely talk about it. I am going to make a effort to do more of that.
Though I think I am struggling with depression or maybe just the side effects of the drugs I am still encouraged about my health. Round 2 of chemotherapy is Thursday and I am anxious to get it over with! That will mean only 6 more weeks until my last treatment. Having my energy back will be the best part. Now I do about half and hour and even less on bad days before I have to sit. I feel like I am 98 instead of 53!
I really miss my daughter and grandchildren. They seem to have pulled away from me. I have not seen them since before my surgery in April. I think the cancer scares my daughter and that is maybe why. It hurts a lot though. I see the happy families in church and I am jealous. I hate that about me.  I want so much for my family to be like that. But it is my own fault. I should have raised them in the church and so now we all pay the price. It is my biggest regret. I could have been a much better mother. My children would have much better lives now if I had.

I don't want to spend the rest my life wallowing in regrets. I really don't. I want to somehow make up for some of my mistakes. I am trying to do that and I hope Heavenly Father is merciful and helps me to do just
that. If I can only keep my attitude up I hope I can make a change.

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